


To Arthur Kirkland

by hanihyunsu



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Letters, Love Confessions, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Murder, Psychopaths In Love, Regret, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 11:27:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16515542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanihyunsu/pseuds/hanihyunsu
Summary: November 4th, around 14:19, something arrived on an old married couple's mail.A notebook filled with unsent letters, all adressed to a man named Arthur Kirkland.





	To Arthur Kirkland

To Arthur Kirkland,

It's a shame we're not soulmates.  
It's a shame you grew paler and I held your neck.  
It's a shame you went on and I remained.  
It's a shame, it's a shame, it's a shame.

To Arthur Kirkland,

Know that I will be attending that small garden wedding,  
To see you hold another hand much softer than mine  
To see you kiss another lips much sweeter than mine  
But wasn't everything about letting go to you?

To Arthur Kirkland,

My name was remembered and so was yours  
Now blended into his after decades of long disagreements.  
It's a disgusting name, I'd rather have you act like the kingdom you really were  
If only you're as strong as the empire you were.

To Arthur Kirkland,

Sunsets in Manhattan is much brighter than those in London  
When you sit upon a hill and just sip tea  
When I stand at some building's edge and just think of you here  
You're probably kissing him on the hand right now, either way.

To Arthur Kirland,

My past unsent letters had been too vague, too poetic, too painful  
It all sounded just like you.  
It was just so happy, it seemed like yesterday we were just standing on a cliff and watching the birds fly away  
One of us just had to fall and the other had to follow.

You tried to guide me through it all and trust me when I tell you it wasn't your fault.  
But no, at the same time it was indeed your fault.  
Why you left, uncertain schedules of when you'll return from your voyage, and above all the excuses that slipped past your lips and into my ears.  
That wasn't what actually happened, was it?

You see me as weak.  
You see me as...I don't know, something you possess and needed to be taken care of. A prized possession, a display, a vase too valuable that it wasn't allowed to carry flowersーto serve its purpose.

To Arthur Kirkland,

I thought we're over this. I helped you in the World Wars, I saved you, I saved the Earth. Was it enough to be your hero?  
No, no, it wasn't. It will never be.

To Arthur Kirkland,

A life full of flowers I could give it to you too.  
A life full of morning kisses, tea, decent  
breakfast, I could give it to you too.  
A life spent with someone who loves you, I could give it to you too.  
Why not me? That was the question. Why not me, Arthur?

To Arthur Kirkland,

Beside me, you were.  
You were beside me when I fell down the first time, when I first tied my laces, when I first went to the garden, when I first tried tea  
You were there when I cried at night, dreaming of nightmares hidden by your arms and clothes. Yes, I know your scars.  
You were also there when my heart first broke,  
How I wish you'll also be here when I realized I fell in love the first time.

To Arthur Kirkland,

Too quick. It was too quick.  
Why was the meeting too quick?  
It was the first meeting we both attended, without him in the picture. You were back to the kingdom you were, but you still wore that ring on your finger so I guessed you haven't given up yet.

To Arthur Kirkland,

Stop that. Stop having that face.  
Please.  
Stop smiling at me in my dreams. Stop avoiding me at real life. Stop holding his hand under the table. Stop bragging about how much you love each other. My love alone could overpower both your love and his combined. Stop appearing so often, Arthur. Stop trying to reconnect broken bridges. Stop, just stop.  
Stop existing, Arthur.

To Arthur Kirkland,

You're on my head. Stop spinning in circles, I thought I'm over you. You were the reason for the fire in my palms. You were the reason it also felt like winter in my veins. Your poetic influence washed over me right when you were gone. I hate you so much. Notice me, Arthur. Watch how you broke me. Watch.

To Arthur Kirkland,

Don't watch. Be happy. That was just the way you were, aren't you?  
You were a soul so tattered, so old and full of lessons and memories gathered through time and a life as harsh as yours. I broke you.  
It's just justice for you to break me back.  
No amount of bombs could lead me to you.  
No amount of knowledge, for it is too late.  
You were not blinded, I know now.  
He loves you just as much as I do.

To Arthur Kirkland,

Your scent smells like chlorine. Like the blood of your enemies. Like the sea you once loved and hated while being the captain of your own ship.  
You smell like smoke. Like the wafty scent that grips your lungs until it broke in pieces. Like the way one breathes while sick; it hurts their throats in every breath.  
You smell so imperfect. You smell just like you did when you hold me. I want you back.

To Arthur Kirkland,

I want to help you so bad. I have seen you broken, I have seen you crying, I have seen you in your coldest winters and your hottest summers.  
I will send help, Arthur. I will help you.

To Arthur Kirkland,

It was dark. So dark. So cold.  
Help me, Artie. I'm locked in this cages you call love. That's pathetic! You set me free, but what is this another cage?  
I seem free, but you were there. You never really let me have freedom, do you? If thus is your worst punishment, you did a damn good job at it.  
Find me a way out if you loved me, Arthur. I want to forget you so bad.

To Arthur Kirkland,

How dare you. How dare you go to my house? How dare you. How dare you. How dare you show up your face at my household? You don't belong here anymore. You live in Europe, where you always leave me just to "fix some things" in Europe. Hah. No more tricks, Arthur. I'm going crazy and I'm trying my best, don't you dare kick away my progress. I hate you, Arthur.

To Arthur Kirkland,

It's a shame we really are not soulmates.  
It's a shame I watched you go paler and I held your neck.  
It's a shame you went on and I remained.  
It's a shame, it's a shame, it's a shame.

It's a shame, Arthur.

Goodbye.

 

 

 


End file.
